Today is the first day I have no idea what to write. So, what I did today, in list form:
1. I woke up from a horrific dream. I blame it on not journaling (in my paper journal) the night before.
2. I called my friend to get some advice.
3. My mom surprised me this morning. My dad asked to use my car last night/this morning to get to work (he works from 5-9; it’s easiest to just do a swap the night before and then immediately after he gets off work), but my mom is the one who picked me up for the car swap.
4. I went to a support group meeting.
5. I came home and ate some cereal so I wouldn’t pass out during yoga.
6. I went to yoga.
7. My daughter and I were supposed to go to the bank so she could switch from her kiddie account to a college student account. She was not here at the scheduled time, so I went and got some lunch at Panera with plans to grade after. (Panera is one of my grading spots.)
8. Did not grade. Went home to take a nap instead.
9. As I was falling asleep I heard someone walking around in the house. However, I had not heard the door open. Went into the living room, daughter was there. Turns out she had been home in time for us to go to the bank–but was sleep. It was too late to go to the bank, so I went to lie back down.
10. I could not get to sleep. I got up and went to the coffee shop to grade.
11. I actually finished grading an entire set of papers at the coffee shop. Yay. I may have taken one swallow too many of the dirty chai. Boo.
12. I got home and performed some emotional triage with my daughter. This may be why I am so drained.
13. I put in a load of laundry and made pancakes for dinner.
14. I watched 1 1/4 episodes of The Great British Baking Show.
15. I fretted over what to write for this post.
I woke up angry today, which is a thing that happens sometimes when I come off of an exhausting week where I don’t have (or make) enough time for myself.
I was angry that I agreed to make an announcement at church (which meant I couldn’t skip it), angry that I had to prep for school/work, angry that I still hadn’t washed my hair, angry that I needed to wash clothes, angry that I made plans with a friend.
Oh, and angry at the state of the world, too, of course.
It turns out having that commitment at church turned out to be a good thing. First, I always do better around other people, even when I’m kind of crabby to start. I had to turn on some charm for the announcement since I was supposed to be enthusiastic. Then, this line from the call to worship helped: “Be joyful though you have all the facts.” Because sometimes I need a reminder that joy is an act of resistance. [That line, btw, is from a Wendell Berry poem.] And, of course, the sermon was thoughtful and also helped get me out of my head.
So that helped. And then I was crabby again.
But I got home and made a to-do list. To-do lists help me organize my thinking and see exactly what I have to do. That, in turn, makes the day less hectic because I can see how to manage each task. Then I took a nap.
I was angry when I woke up, but that’s just because I wanted to sleep longer.
Then, I met my friend and we had a good talk about making space for ourselves, and I was able to admit that part of my crabbiness/anger was that I hadn’t had enough time to do things that sustain me. Or to relax. And once we were done, I did some prep for class because I knew that would help me feel better and I got pizza for dinner instead of worrying about what to cook and I washed my hair. And I’m going to finish writing this and then write my post for tomorrow, and then I’m going to bed.
I still feel a little disconnected, but I do feel better than I did this morning. The anger, for now at least, is gone.
So, this is my first time participating in the challenge, and the recommendation is that we introduce ourselves. Here are some facts about me:
- I teach English at a community college
- I have a daughter who will soon be 18
- I bought my first house this past summer
- I love to read and firmly believe there is ALWAYS time to read
- My appointment TV shows (i.e., the ones I would make sure I was home in time to watch if I didn’t have a TiVo) are The Good Place and Mom
- One of my favorite authors is Meg Cabot
- I am allergic to mangoes
- In the past two years, I have developed an intolerance to chocolate and onions
- I should be grading
One of the Month of Faves prompts was “5 Purchases That Were Totally Worth It,” and I didn’t participate because I only had one purchase…or so I thought. Turns out I actually wound up buying some other stuff–some of which I didn’t get around to using or buying until after the prompt date. So, my favorite things I bought last year:
1. My house. I bought a house. It’s great. All the wall colors are colors I want. It’s still not fully unpacked yet, but that’s okay.
2. Hamilton tickets. This was a Christmas gift for my daughter. We’re going to see the show in March (in New York). Obviously, I couldn’t post about this before Christmas, so.
I actually do love December.
It’s my second (or third???) favorite month. (After writing this, I might have to admit it may be my actual fave.) There’s so much goodness here. Several people I love have their birthdays during December. Christmas is in December (my fave holiday). Twinkly lights! Christmas trees! DECEMBER!
So, as the song goes, here are a few of my favorite things about the month:
I posted this to Facebook after it was clear where the election was headed (@ 2:06 a.m.):
I have been trying to sleep since 10:30 and can’t.
All I can think about is how over 400 years, this country has used and abused us and made it clear over and over how much they hate us. And over 400 years we haven’t let them take our humanity or our souls. And how we have so much now that our ancestors couldn’t even begin to wish and hope for. And what it must have been like for them to see this same abuse, this same denial of their humanity denied over and over and over again.
I am living that latter experience in a very real way. But I feel good knowing that I did what they couldn’t and wanted to do, which was vote. And I feel good about the candidate I voted for.
This week’s Top Ten Tuesday topic is rewind aka pick an old topic and do or revisit it. Well, I’m rewinding all the way back to July 12th’s topic and sharing some random facts about myself.
1. As I get older, I have less and less tolerance for mean humor. That’s one of the reasons I had to quit watching Blackish, in fact. It just felt so mean to me.
2. The TV characters I relate to most are Dorothy Zbornak from Golden Girls and Peyton Sawyer from One Tree Hill. The book character I relate to most is Ursula Riggs from Big Mouth & Ugly Girl. Hello, let me show you my issues.
Sorry (not sorry) to all you students looking for homework help, but this post is not about the Joyce Carol Oates story. (P.S. Stop Googling and do your own homework. I promise your instructor doesn’t care what the internet thinks but wants to know what you think instead.)
Where have you been?
So yes. I took a brief (three weeks??? it felt longer) internet hiatus, mostly because I was moving but also because the internet is my fun/escape place, and it definitely has NOT been that for a while. Not only has the news been bad, but a friend of mine was going through a personal crisis that really made me examine who I allow into my safe spaces on the internet. So everything just felt like a lot of noise, and it was stressing me out. Therefore, a break was needed.